to know her

i don’t think you can know
how much you really trust God
until you’ve had to give one of your children
back to Him

i have turned her over to Him
millions of times
even millions of times in one single day
if it’s a really hard day

i wonder how much of my growing faith
has to do with wanting more information
about where she is and who she is with

in some ways my coming to know Christ
is the most i can know of her today

and that’s wretched and that’s beautiful

and it will have to do,
for now