expect the unexpected

i look at them across the street
a group of middle school girls and their mothers
gathered in our neighbor’s yard
they are setting up a table with some homemade goods
some fundraiser im sure,
maybe for the school’s fall play

and i realize i am smiling
my lips have curled in fondness
for joy of their togetherness

even though the smile disappears quickly
it does still happen–it is true,
in grief one should prepare
for unexpected reactions

how happiness squeezed itself into my brain in that minute
i will never know

now i have sighed back into a more comfortable feeling
one of sadness, one of nostalgia
for the things that cannot be

but i can keep that smile in my back pocket
and remember that life (and death)
is indeed full of surprises