in about two weeks

it’s all mixed together, i know
in about 2 weeks is Tinsley’s 3rd birthday
in about 2 weeks i’ll truly have a chance
to have another living child
(don’t die, please don’t die, i think it’ll actually kill me if you die)

carrying the extremes of those realities
has left funny looking bruises on my shoulders
but it’s winter now so no one can see

i toss on a heavy coat and wonder

if december will bring our family another death
or maybe, just maybe
if it will bring us another life