transformation

the change of season slices through me
(i’m a little annoyed i wasn’t asked for permission)

but i grab the crisp cool air
and eagerly stuff my belly full of memories
of when she was alive
of when she was still moving in my insides
(sometimes i still feel her)

we buried her on an icy saturday
as the earth accepted the first flakes of winter
as it welcomed her tiny body into the ground

almost three years later
i exhale into the chill of fall
and like a kid on christmas eve
i’m giddy with excitement

because i am so desperate

i’m desperate to witness the transformation
that this time promises to bring
the move from green leaves to red
from haughty rain to stony snow
from crunchy brown land to gentle white sea

i need the reminder that what once was
will become again
that what is hidden will be seen
that the soul i once held and carried
and will be mine in my arms again

and i just need to wait
for that eternal season
to come