aunt b

a long, long time from now
(but not so very long)
when all of your children
are safely on this side of heaven

i will tell you about it

i will tell what it’s like to lose a limb
to have the ghost of what should have been
echo in your bones
and talk to you in your sleep
and why little girls in grocery stores
can bring me stumbling to breathe

but not now

right now, you should be eight weeks pregnant
with giddy, excited blinders on
and i should be unbroken —
but i cannot be unbroken (and you cannot ask me to be)

so forgive me for watching from a distance
for biting my lower lip when you say when
instead of if

this is the best that i can do

but know my hope for you grows
alongside the growing life within you
and my love for both of you will be so close
it will be so very close