I am a Christian because

I am a Christian because I seek
because I doubt
not because I believe.Because I give up on His plan
on His miracles
but not His love.

Because my bones dry into dust
and my house falls down
and sometimes I think
the only reason for surviving this world
is the next
so I do.

Because she might be waiting for me
with Him
because I find the Holy Spirit
at a baseball game.

I am a Christian
because I’ve read the good book
and I don’t know what most of it means
but I find meaning in reading it.

Because my heart is broken
but my blood keeps pumping.

Because I am more afraid
of trying to live without Him
than the confusion and anger I feel
living with Him.

I am a Christian because
I have experienced God in my daughter’s death
in purging her lifeless body out of mine
and I believe there must be more
to the story.

And I am a Christian
because I’m willing to wait
to hear it.