sleeping arrangements

there is nothing here i want to keep
playing God’s games of peek-a-boo
has left welts on my knees and knuckles
and my chest is too sore to breathe

this restlessness has aged me
and imagining her just dead forever
makes me want to go there, too

i am not strong enough
to love her by myself
but there is no one else within reach that understands
and that is why i lock my bedroom door at night
and prefer to sleep alone