to be close to you

i just sit in my car by her grave sometimes
usually with a baby napping behind me
being near her slows my heart rate down
in a really relaxing way

come to think of it, that’s true with all my children
even when they’re loud and acting nuts
and i’m overwhelmed and frustrated

it’s the safest, most peaceful state of being
having all eyes on them
brings an intuitive sense of safety and calm

and my heart experiences the same sensation
sitting here in my car
as i watch her thanksgiving flag
blow proudly in the november wind