i feel extra weepy
moving through november
the calendar doesn’t make sense
im now unfamiliar with a regular christmas
the birth of Jesus has gotten all tangled up
with the death and birth of my own children
last year i decorated quite defiantly
almost as an act of will
that george come into this world with breath
this fall i have no delusion
that this will be the winter she survives
everyone that could be here is here
and the celebration and devastation of that
makes me wish
it was just christmas all year long