octobers then and now

as we tiptoe into fall, my heart sinks
for 3 years, apple picking and halloween costumes
were accompanied by hope and expectation
that the winter might bring new life

there was such a sense of purpose with those auburn
and golden skies

it is a strange sensation now,
there is almost a loneliness about it,
mismatched with the fervor of october
as we race to talk about our babies dying

and this missing piece remains missing

come fall, and winter
come spring and summer, too