her milk has come in by now
she is probably trying to decide what to do
my husband wrapped my bare chest as tightly as he could
in a scratchy ace bandage —
it took 9 days of painful bondage
to convince my body to start giving up

some moms choose to pump and donate their milk
to other babies in need
i am awed by that decision (but knew it was not for me)

her reflection is making her angry now
she is probably trying to figure out
whose body she sees in the mirror
it could not be her own —
hers would never have failed her child like that
this body is now the enemy
(and it will follow her around forever)

her family is thinking about the burial (or cremation) now
she is probably wondering what clothes might even fit him
and be suitable enough for a lifetime in a coffin
should she put a stuffed animal in there for company?  
(oh, that’s silly…. but that’s what i did)

her shock and disbelief is transitioning to grief now
she is probably wondering how she will get through
the next hour, the next day,
the next year, the next five years,
the next six or seven decades
without him

if you come up with any answers, chrissy,
please do let us know.
and in the meantime, we are sending you
whatever strength and grace we have

you are going to need it
for the journey you’re now on

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