has anything happened?

i felt embarrassed
showing up without an appointment
but i couldn’t bear the thought
of death inside me again
of my body acting as another grave
without me knowing it

“has anything happened
that would make you think there is a problem?
any cramping or bleeding or pain?” the doctor asked

i shake my head
“just having had a dead baby before…”

and she nodded sympathetically
and i leaned back nervously
and there it was —
that glorious galloping
that beautiful, god-filled sound of life

and she smiled reassuringly
and my fists melted

and then the words, “he sure is busy in there, moving all over the place!”
and my face tightened
and i saw his cord getting tangled
and his body shriveling up
and the relief vanished

and i hobbled out of the room
to make my next appointment