and then

i read a story today
of a mom whose baby died
just hours after coming vigorously healthy into the world

no complications
no warnings
just the beauty of a baby girl
on a mother’s chest
for a mere 2 hours

and then

and then she stopped moving
and then she stopped breathing
and then she stopped being

with a NICU down the hall
and the best doctors in manhattan
nothing could be done

and then she was dead
and a universe catastrophically destroyed

i imagine this mom’s breasts are swollen now
full of milk for a baby that is headed underground
for absolutely no reason at all

this cruel world
this cruel fucking world

i sometimes find myself looking out into it
and wondering why any of us stay

and then his babbling voice swirls around my broken body
and his chubby arms motion for me to pick him up

and then i am less interested in the world’s whys and hows
and more interested in just holding him
because today he is here

and then