happy birthday to me

i have become an expert in flowers
how to arrange them, cut their stems, trim their leaves, tie ribbons around them–
all the tricks to make them more beautiful

i am a master now at everything about flowers
except how to keep them alive —
that part i don’t care about

they shrivel up and die quickly
where i like to take them
but even dead
they bring color and warmth to her
and in bringing them to her
color and warmth to me

i cannot see or smell or hear of flowers
without thinking

my god, wouldn’t those look lovely
on her grave