transformation

the change of season slices through me
(i’m annoyed i wasn’t asked for permission)

i grab the crisp cool air
and stuff my belly full of memories
of when she was alive
of when she was still moving in my insides
(sometimes i still feel her)

we buried her on an icy saturday
as the earth accepted the first snow of winter
as it welcomed her tiny body into the ground.

two years later
i exhale into the chill of fall
and like a kid on christmas eve
i’m giddy with excitement
about when the snow will arrive

i’m begging to clutch it under my bones,
desperate to see the transformation

from rain to snow
from brown land to white sea

i need the reminder that what once was
may actually still be

and will be mine to hold again
when the eternal season comes