all hallows’ eve

it still comes out of nowhere–
the realization that she has died
attacks me from behind (and from the front and sideways, too).

we were trick or treating tonight,
and i knew the house was coming up
(like i could ever forget it’s there):
honan’s funeral home, in the middle of main street.

but it really struck me, with a mouthful of kitkats,
and surrounded by elsa, buzz lightyear, and thor

that she was actually IN that home!
she was actually THERE!

and suddenly i felt like i should be, too.
like maybe if i went inside i could smell her or see her again,
or sense her, somehow…

it was hard to keep trick or treating after that,
i kept looking over my shoulder,
thinking i should turn around.

but there were so many other houses to visit
and so many little ghosts
that kept pushing me along.