it still comes out of nowhere–
the realization that she has died
attacks me from behind (and from the front and sideways, too).
we were trick or treating tonight,
and i knew the house was coming up
(like i could ever forget it’s there):
honan’s funeral home, in the middle of main street.
but it really struck me, with a mouthful of kitkats,
and surrounded by elsa, buzz lightyear, and thor
that she was actually IN that home!
she was actually THERE!
and suddenly i felt like i should be, too.
like maybe if i went inside i could smell her or see her again,
or sense her, somehow…
it was hard to keep trick or treating after that,
i kept looking over my shoulder,
thinking i should turn around.
but there were so many other houses to visit
and so many little ghosts
that kept pushing me along.