i know her still

i never felt like i was meeting my children
for the first time
when they were placed in my arms
(covered in that awful, wonderful newborn gunk).

when we looked at each other
it was more like seeing a great friend
i just hadn’t seen in a really long time.

because i did already know them —
we had been together for 9 months already
(with a lot of one on one time).

that’s what many people don’t understand
about having a stillborn child.

i didn’t lose someone i didn’t know.
i lost someone i already knew and already loved very deeply.

i knew her.

i know her still.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close