Tinsley’s 1st Heavenly Birthday

I’m worried people will think I should be over it now.

I’m worried people will think I should be over it when/IF the new baby comes home.

I’m worried about moving farther away from her.

On her first heavenly birthday:

• I put together baskets of snacks, lotion, mints, candy, and coloring books for the families in the NICU at the hospital where I delivered Tinsley.  Our family delivered them together.
• I collected baby books from friends to create “Tinsley’s Library” for the same NICU.  I was told many parents like to read books to their babies, so her library is full of new and gently used books for them to borrow.
• Our family visited her grave to give her a 1 candle and release a bunch of pink balloons.  There was something so sweet about watching the boys chase after them as they flew up into the air.
• I bought and lit a luminary basket for the Newtown annual 2018 Tree Lighting.  I also bought 2 others, one for my brother and one for my sister-in-law (my mother and mother-in-law both lost babies in their 3rd trimesters).
• I donated altar flowers for the Sunday, December 2nd church service.
• I had the Newtown Bee article, letter to the editor, and Oct 15th Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness proclamation framed and hung in our bedroom.
• I’m participating in the Remembering Together Holiday Swap this year…. although it’s not directly related to her birthday, the beginning of the Christmas season will always be part of her story.
• A beautiful friend of mine has decided to donate her wedding gown to an angle gown agency.  That incredible act of kindness, honor, and love and inspired me to do the same.  I’ve asked my mom to send my wedding gown up from Birmingham so I can donate mine, too.

And it’s not enough.  And it will never be enough.