Tempting fate

i’m having flashbacks of HG, my survival,
my hellish battle,
those 7.5 long months as Tinsley grew inside me

i raked my body, my skin,
my organs, over hot coals for her–
if you’ve never seen HG in action
you don’t know what im talking about

it’s a disease so gruesome,
so debilitating,
that women choose to kill their unborn children–
ones they tried for, they prayed for, they loved–
because the only way to stop HG
is to stop being pregnant

the mantra ‘it will all be worth it’ haunts me
it’s the tune that sung me to sleep
those days, weeks, months, gripped over the toilet
in tears
because of course it wasn’t what i thought it’d be

so would it all be worth it again?

another unfair answer hits me in the face:
there is no other way to know, to find out
how cruel fate may be

except to try