it has only just occurred to me
the decorations on her grave
will need to change with the seasons
(because she will still be dead in the spring, summer, and fall).
i’m not going to buy her some shitty fake flowers,
only a beautiful, vibrant spring wreath will do
(i don’t penny pinch with my living children, so why should i with her?).
and i realize from now on
there will be new holiday traditions to follow
(is this what they mean by “learning to integrate the loss?”).
Easter weekend will be marked not by church
or an egg hunt or pastel hand towels in the kitchen,
but by a trip to Hollandia Gift & Garden —
a store so bursting with verdant plants and beaming flowers
and humming with renewal and life
i will almost forget what i’m buying
is going to be placed on my baby’s grave.