If I Had a Penny

If I had a penny
for every thought of you
and hope I had for you

if I had a penny
for every hollow and shallow breath
I force myself to take

if I had a penny
for every relationship in my life
now falsified by this great divide

if I had a penny
for every time a comment stung me
and the stinger had no clue

if I had a penny
for every grocery cart
abandoned in the middle of the aisle

if I had a penny
for every time I escaped to the bathroom
at a child’s birthday party

if I had a penny
for every song on the radio
that made me pull over and heave

if I had a penny
for every look of pity
or averted stare from other mothers

if I had a penny
for every flower laid
and replaced on your grave

I would be a very rich woman

and I still would not have you.