into the wilderness

i expected too much
i expected for the world  to show some preference
to the rule followers.

but earth only feigns its order
nature boasts the big picture
but hides its impulsive anomalies

i struggle alongside other people’s misery,
i join in with fits of indignation—
what kind of show is god really running here?!

and when my earth started spinning clockwise
i at least tried to ask for help
shamefully, timidly
i put my hand into the universe
and waited to be suffocated
by concern and caring

and i was
thoughtfully grabbed and led from one day into the next

but it was so temporary and temperamental
it is hard for people
not to fly off their own axis
when they step into someone else’s uninhabitable world

grief makes very few friends
it is one of the reasons
people like to believe in god.