why is it
that time has to move backwards
when memories start to fade
i could have sworn i was okay
at peace, accepting
i had stopped fighting
what had already happened
what had happened since the beginning of time
but this nasty sickness has appeared
overnight
welts and boils spring up on my body
like a baby bird jumping for a worm
it’s a real physical reaction
tight chest
tight eyes
tight mouth
tight everywhere
it makes breathing much harder than it should be
i’m grateful for the reprieve of recent months
a chance to smile and actually show my teeth
and i’m also grateful for today,
to sit and stew in the filfth that
that yes, she died
because yes, she lived.
Less Than 1%: Surviving My Stillborn 