if

if
is the most complicated word i know
it can capture potential and hope
or it can reek of regret and longing

it was 7 years ago
(but also yesterday)
and that same gray sky sets my bones on edge
a restless foreboding seeps into my skin
as i skulk around bright green Christmas wreaths
waiting for her death to come

if is the most complicated word i know

and it now hangs darkly around my neck
like a poorly fitted noose
not quite tight enough to do the job