princess and the puke

i did not want to buy
that disney princess makeup set

even scanning it with the quickest eyes
felt like betrayal

i think that’s what it feels like,
i haven’t quite worked it out yet.

i know whenever i buy a present for a little girl
the inside of my uterus screams with madness and indignation
and a rageful force inside my womb tries to claw itself out of my insides.

it is a very unpleasant sensation
and i keep thinking the intensity of it will eventually soften…

but almost 7 years later
whenever i click ‘checkout’ on an item that’s bursting with pink
i find myself looking up to the heavens
and telling her that i’m sorry