there was a time

there was a time when she was alive

sometimes i forget that
i’m so used to her being dead

there was a time
when she was on the horizon
in my mind

a time when i knew she was coming
before she was coming

i will never know that kind of hope again
that unleashed longing
for an outcome that could actually be

and there was a time when she here
squirming around my insides
reacting to light, to sound, to my voice

she woke, she slept, she played
there was a time when she was alive

sometimes i forget that
i’m so used to her being dead