i want life to win

i’m not hungry
because i think he’s dead
although maybe i should still eat
but what’s the point if he’s already gone

no one understands this
and i feel like a whiny teenager
because really everything is fine
except that i could wake up tomorrow
and it’d all be different

and i don’t know if i could survive another tsunami
because my bones are so heavy
and waterlogged from the last one

but i made a decision to try for life
and i have to honor the trying
so i reach for an apple
and take a bitter, sour bite
because i really really love him
and i want life to win