dear henry

when you hear about how heartbroken I was,
that’s how much I loved you.

when you see my blood pooled over her grave,
that’s how much I loved you.

when you read my words of despair, grief, and hopelessness,
that’s how much I loved you.

when you realize that there must be no greater pain
than that of losing a child,
that’s how much I loved you.

to risk experiencing it all again–
to know what the worst feels like
and to invite the possibility back in,
that’s how much I loved you.

before you even existed
i hope you understand,

that’s how much I loved you.