him in my arms and her in my heart

imagination takes over around 3am,
fueled by longing and sleep deprivation and confusion.

it is a combustible combination,
but i do not combust.

instead, i continue to nurse him and burp him
to miss her and wonder about her
(would her eyes have stayed blue
or turned to brown…?)

while i hold him in my arms and her in my heart,
i notice the shadows on the floor
seem to play together
like a brother and sister might.

and i smile for a half of a second before i realize
it is just my imagination talking….