35 weeks + 2 days

the nights are long
they have become longer than the days
my legs twitch
my back aches
my stomach itches
my throat heaves up acid
my feet swell
my lungs shrink
my hips collapse
my arms can’t find a place to rest
alongside my nervous body

and it is all for the best purpose possible
why and how we exist
to continue bringing new life into the world
to place a bet on nature’s side
to give a hopeful wink at God in the sky

but my mind will not settle there
it traipses wearily and emphatically
out into the darkness
and invites my imagination to do its worst

and my soul feels mocked
at my mind’s insistence this will all end badly

‘it will all be for nothing’
rattles inside my bones
40 weeks will just be reduced to another headstone
another missing person in the family photo
another chapter in my hellish new life
of birthing death
over
and over
and over again.