Flowers from your grave
bleed their colors onto my kitchen counter
Salt stings my skin
from the horror dripping off my face
The last 6 weeks have been steeped
in such grief and bewilderment
I almost forgot what anger feels like
(but we are reacquainted).
I am so cosmically betrayed
by a Power I didn’t think betrayed us
I hear those 4 words over and over again
like a possessed and sadistic record player
There is no heartbeat, there is no heartbeat, there is no heartbeat.
There is no heartbeat, there is no heartbeat, there is no heartbeat.
I try and find a footing in reality
but it is hard.
What do you mean my daughter died?
What do you mean her heart stopped beating?
What do you mean?
It is so strange to say anything about Tinsley in the past tense.
Isn’t she still present?
Won’t she always be?
Isn’t she still present?
Won’t she always be?
I thought that is what C.S. Lewis said…
But now I’m beginning to think
I am remembering it all wrong.
Less Than 1%: Surviving My Stillborn 